my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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