Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Randomize
