I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
