Define "chronic" masturbator.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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