Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
