He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
