i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
