So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
