I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
