I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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