just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
