hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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