you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
