Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Randomize
