fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
