I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
