If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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