my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
