I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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