pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
