I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
