I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
