i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
