I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
