he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
