Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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