drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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