I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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