Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
