i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
