Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
