I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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