I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
