first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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