Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
