Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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