sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The struggles of a small town man whore
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
