Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
