someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
