I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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