New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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