i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
