Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
