I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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