Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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