There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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