Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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