I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
