I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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