Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
