I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
