Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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