For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
