Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
