I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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