A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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