I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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