why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
